Ask a Grown Man With Paul Rudd from Rookie on Vimeo.
"I remember being in the first month of working; I was so tired...It was midnight, I wanted to go home becuase I'd have to be back at seven in the morning and there would be dishes waiting for me.
And I was like, 'I'll wash them when I get in tomorrow morning or I'll have one of the girls do it.' It was more convenient.
And I turned around and my sign was there with my name on it. It was hilarious, it was a flapping piece of paper printed at Kinkos with these clips from the hardware stare hanging up and the air conditioing was running and it was flowing in the wind, and I saw 'Jeni's Splendid Ice Creams' right on it.
I was like, 'You know, nobody else is going to do it if I don't do it. This is my company My name is on every single thing we do and it better be what I expect it to be, to the best that I can.'
So I stayed and did dishes...It's not the most interesting thing in the world, but...in the end, I'm the one who sets that tone."
-Jeni Britton Bauer, (614) Magazine, January, 2012
Updated on Friday, January 13, 2012 at 1:05PM by
the naked redhead
Contained in this post is a review of The Intensity Stimulator and may not be safe for work if your boss or Big Brother or whoever monitors your Internet use has an issue with pictures of "intimate" devices or gratuitous use of the word "vagina," "hoo-ha," "lady bits," or "no-no."
Enjoy! :)
As a person who works in branding and communication, I should be more aware that perception is everything.
...which is why communication is hard.
Communication with a partner, spouse, friend, client, etc. is all about perception, that is, "What does this person perceive that I'm saying?"
Last night, I flippantly "spoke my mind" to my dude-friend. I was pretty sure I had spoken clearly with the right amount of humor to diffuse the frustration I was feeling in the moment.
The frustration had nothing to do with him. I've found lately that I've been having trouble "multi-tasking" (a thing that studies have shown again and again to not really contribute to productivity at all). It's like instead of having an eagle-eye view of everything that's going on in a given moment, I'm much more like a kid who's gotten lost in a busy mall.
It's utterly overwhelming, and frustrating, and I kind of want to sit down and kick and scream and cry and demand ice cream for dinner.
Last night was one of those moments. And the sad thing is, the "multi-tasking" had nothing to do with unpleasant tasks...it was just one of those things where everything piled up at once (dinner! Texting with a friend about plans next week! Feeding the dogs!), and instead of being a normal human being and taking a breath and tackling one thing at a time, I devolved into Kid Throwing Tantrum in the Mall.
At least, internally.
(It probably would have been better if I had just said right then, "Hey, I'm feeling overwhelmed. Can I have a minute?" Yeah...that.)
So when the time came to shut off for the evening, instead of me, well, shutting off, I fired off with a simple phrase.
Here's what I thought I said:
Good fellow, would you mind terribly if I just took a moment to sit and collect my scattered thoughts and take a breather, good sir, jolly ho, British accents make everything better!
Here's what he heard:
GAWD, can I just SIT FOR A SECOND like a NORMAL PERSON and ENJOY MY WINE?!?!
That's not un-friendly at all, right? Or "I have problems with alcoholism" sounding, right?
Right?
Anyway, his communication skills were better than mine. At least, the look on his face said it all: "Good god, she's finally lost it...and now I will probably be maimed and killed and my body hidden forever. Goodbye, cruel world."
So yeah...guess I better work on that.
I really liked these posts by Melissa McEwan on harmful communication (and which go WAY deeper than this post...great reads...so get 'em!), and why, for example, it's important to not say phrases like, "I'm sorry IF I hurt your feelings," because honestly? It doesn't matter what your INTENT was. So what if if you didn't MEAN to hurt someone's feelings...if the outcome is still hurt feelings, you should probably apologize for hurting feelings.
Anyway, I could ramble more...I guess I just wanted to share what I was learning.
Final note: It's crazy to think I'm STILL learning this shit. Geez.
Part One
"Hey! I just wanted to check in by email to see how you were doing, because i can never really tell from your blog."
Oh...shit.
Part Two
I was catching up on my Google Reader the other day, and maybe it was due to the sheer volume of reading I was doing, but does anyone else feel female bloggers trend toward the overly positive in their writing?
Like Cosmo or Glamour...on meth?
I mean, I'm all for positive writing and helping your readers feel good when they're done reading your stuff...but the overly positive tone from many of the top female bloggers is a little...much.
Maybe it's because many of those blogs are evolving to be more like mini-magazines. That's cool, I guess. But I also don't think that all of life's problems can be solved with hey! Believe in yourself more, k?! With these totes adorbs skinnies!
(It's like my beef with people saying to solve relationship problems by communicating more. OK, awesome...so...how exactly do I do that again? A big idea is great, but let's face it, most of us have NO IDEA how to execute.)
Most of it's due to packaging. I know that.
I think I started swinging that way here...that maybe this place was becoming day after day of bulleted quick reads on How To...do something. As if I'm an expert on anything.
What I fear in those little snippets is that I was losing my humanity. It's easy to hide behind a three sub-header post and exude positivism in the formula, even if I'm having a real shitty day.
And therein lies the rub...it's not that i want to broadcast all my shitty days to you verbatim, grumbling and complaining and stomping my feet.
But I do want to be a human being.
I don't want you to think that MY positivity all scrunched up in a checklist means that I am Right and you are somehow Wrong.
Because that is some real bullshit.
Part Three
I've always wanted this to be a place where you get the truth...or at least the truth as I see it, no sugar-coating.
So here's what's really been going on in my life of late:
1. I quit my job to work on my own and I really, really loved parts of it. There were also parts I really, really didn't care for. AND! There were also a few weeks where I was more stressed out than I've ever been in my life, and that includes the time I left my ex-husband and hid that fact from my parents for a few days. What fun!
1a. Figuring out the parts I didn't like about working on my own made me feel Less Than and a lot like a failure. To be honest, it still kind of does. I'm not sure why I just wasn't able to fully embrace the "OMG LIVING THE DREAM FOUR HOUR WORKWEEK MY LAPTOP IN BALI IS AMAZEBALLS!" mentailty. Part of me wonders if that is just a failure of my personality (I could never quite settle into it, and I worried, oh, pretty much all the time)...because don't all the successful entrepreneurs say that you just need to believe...or whatever? (Maybe that's why I didn't make a good Christian either.)
1b. You'd be surprised how incredibly supportive--and unsupportive--people can be about your work and career life. Like, wowza. Hello, opinions!
2. It is hairy buffalo balls crazy to realize how much stock and self-worth one puts into the routine of the 9-5. As much as I was discontent my career path and knew that I wasn't doing what I wanted to be doing, I still found merit in being required to show up somewhere...that it mattered to someone that I was on time or had this or that task completed, or that there were days when I knew for certain I had made someone happy with my work (one of the best compliments? "You rock! Someone should make a Sarah Storer super hero doll!" Which, er, now that I think about it, might be slightly creepy. Rescinded.)
3. These last few months of figuring myself out led to some really cool stuff. I'm dating someone who is the awesome, I am doing work I enjoy, and the changes that have come down the pipeline are exciting. But those changes have also knocked me off balance from the "me" momentum I had going around the end of August. I feel like I've lost a little part of me in there somewhere as I've shifted and changed and whatnot. Somewhere in there I became more guarded, held back a little. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's something I always do this time of year (it is all dark and cold and ugly outside, after all...which is a perfect time to hibernate)...I don't know. But I want back in it...whatever "it" is.
So folks, that's it. All that to say, look out for a return to soul puke on here. Like real, gut-searching, life-is-fucking-weird-and-funny-and-awesome-and-sometimes-really-scary soul puke.
Amidst some of the rest of the noise here on ye olde Interwebs, you deserve a little honesty. I'm not saying I'll be all Debbie Downer, but I'll do my best to not try to convince you that a 5 stepper is the key to solving all your problems.
I will, however, try to convince you that puppy videos can cure the world. LOOK AT THAT FACE!
First, a little business:
If you follow (or would like to follow) me on Twitter, you probably know by now that I changed my handle to my real name, @sarahjstorer. It's still the same account (I didn't unfollow you, I promise!), with all the bells and whistles and unicorns, just a new name.
Well, not NEW. I've been sporting this one for a while...but I think you catch my drift.
Second, I know I like to talk about living in the present, and embracing the "nowness" of things...but I'd also like to know what you're personally looking forward to for 2012.
It's a beautifully sunny day here in Columbus, and it reminded me that some of my favorite weather is just a few short months away. So sure, I'll enjoy today because it's today...but c'mon...we all know summer is glorious.
Here are a few other things I'm looking forward to in 2012:
What about you? What are you anticipating for 2012? Anything good? Anything dreadful? Spill!
Happy New Year, friends!
I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season filled with joy and laughter and family and friends and a metric shit-ton of cookies.
Because cookies are good.
But now it's day four into a BRAND NEW YEAR and many of you probably figured somewhere around mid-December that you had many, many very obvious, horrid, inexcusable, COMPLETELY INHUMAN flaws in your life that needed to be changed immediately in two weeks...
...after getting completely shit-faced the night before...
...and then spending the first day of the rest of your life horribly hungover.
GOOD. PLAN.
I stopped making serious New Year's resolutions a long time ago (though if you see below, I did set some very inconsequential ones, just for fun).
There's nothing worse than getting halfway through January and feeling like a total and complete failure because you missed the gym twice, or indulged in that cookie (did I mention that cookies are good?), or used four curse words in a two minute time span IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN...and you said no more cursing! Or pasta! Or couch, er, napping!
Instead, I'm a big fan of being introspective, oh, pretty much all the time. I try to figure out what I'd like to change about my life, and start changing it when I think it's a problem...not when 300 million other people are trying the same thing (because good fucking luck getting stuff for salad from the grocery store on December 31. It will be GONE, I promise you).
That's right. I'm a New Year's Resolution HIPSTER.
All snark aside (seriously, I just want my damn bag of spinach), I'm glad you've set that NYR or goal and I really hope you accomplish it. But give yourself a break, okay? Break up those resolutions into manageable mini-goals and pat yourself on the back when you reach one. Celebrate the small successes.
And by all means, if you DO end up using the f-bomb 7 times more than you've decided to allow yourself for 2012, just remember that the world will not end. We'll all still be here. You will still be you, and it will be okay.
Anyway, here are MY not-too-serious-but-still-good-for-me goals of 2012
1. Take a yoga class once a week.
After the fourth or fifth time being encouraged to do so by both your chiropractor and your doctor, two professionals who have often uttered the phrase, "Oh my. These muscles are pretty...tense," it's probably not a bad idea to try it. Plus, it helps that my hair stylist is an instructor and she looks amaze-balls all the time. I thought it would be a great addition to my overall health and fitness whatnot.
2. Stop buying things in shades of gray.
Obviously, if I buy another gray sweater, the world will not end. But the fact is, I own a shit-ton of things in the color gray...including a couch and an entire bedding set and about 4,323 clothing items. I love it (it's only the best neutral EVAR)...but it's also trending toward boring. Bring on the color!
3. Another one that--in an effort to not scare the children--I will not share here...
...but rest assured, it's going to make me a much happier individual.
And that, folks, is the number one reason you should make a NYR in the first place. :)
Pssshhhhttt...I bet you've been reading all those blogs who started putting out gift guides right after Thanksgiving.
HA. PLEASE.
If you're anything like me you:
a) stopped buying presents for most people long ago (Grinch!) or...
b) the people you do buy presents for, you're frantically scurrying around a CVS looking for something not-too-weird to give to someone who's just gonna be like, "Um, yeah, I already have a box of tampons, thanks."
Dads are just so ungrateful sometimes.
So, here we are, four days away (if you're all about the baby Jesus) or starting today (don't worry, you have seven more nights to go) or whatever else you celebrate (high fives), and boy, do I have a super cool last minute list for you.
You're so going to love it.
Anyway, without further ado:
(because you're basically irresponsible, hate goodwill toward men, or just plain lazy...haha, I kid!)
For the Sci-Fi Geek who insists that May the Fourth is a clever way to celebrate a random day in spring:
Season 1 DVD of Aidan 5, $19.99 - Get it on Amazon, should arrive on your doorstep in like, two days...which is less clones than most people have in this series (which is seriously GOOD and is winning tons of awards).
For the lit nerd who poo-poo's your dating life by quoting, then making fun of, Jane Austen:
Artifacts: A Book Poetical, $5.50 - Another Amazon gem...so you can get it in print or for Kindle.
For the woman in your life who just wants to have more fun...without you:
Intensity, $249.99- Originally developed as a medical device for women with incontinence (I know, right?), this toy has got something most toys don't: electrodes. Sounds scary, sure, but if you're looking for a way to get your pelvic floor muscles to do erotic jumping jacks, well then. (Before you are all like, "Whaaa? The price!" Just remember...would you rather pay $19.99 for electrodes that go on your no-no, or $249.99?) (Oh, and just in case you're still hesitating, here's a coupon code for 10% off: NAKED10.)
For the typophile who also really likes 90's rap music:
Too Legit to Quit, , $18 - So pretty, but really, is there such a thing as TOO legit? I think not.
The H.P. Lovecraft crochet enthusiast:
Cthulhu beer coozie, $12.50 - Haha, I love this.
For anyone in your life who has a friggin' soul:
Jeni's Splendid Ice Creams, $12/pint - NomFace.
For a baby:
Watershed Gin, $27.90 - OK, this is really for those of you who have a baby. But the baby will be happier with your relaxed, satisfied gin-grin.
Happy gift-buying!
New job, new relationship...
...new direction for TNR.
Well, not completely new. Here's a kitten on a keyboard, because that's how I roll.
Onward!
TNR has been my labor of love since 2008. As many of you know, I started here completely anonymously, with only two people in the whole world who knew what I was doing.
At the time, I needed the anonymity and safety of a moniker to figure myself out, to learn to "soul puke," to get a crash course in writing without editing myself...for a small but supportive audience.
But after a while the audience grew, and I figured a few things out and I wiggled my way into a niche that I cared passionately about. I connected with you all and other writers from around the Web as we wrote and ranted and conversed.
And I have loved every minute of it. When people ask me about blogging, I often say one of two things: "You must be passionate about it," and "It helped me figure out who I am."
I've been in a relationship with this here blog longer than many of my real-life relationships, and I don't intend to break up with it or you.
But the reason I fell in love with blogging in the first place was because it allowed me to explore who I am, and talk about things I was discovering and exploring as I discovered and explored them.
I no longer need anonymity to do that...but I do need some space from the confines of a niche.
So, if you clicked through to the site today, you may have noticed some changes. For instance, my real name is emblazoned in the header, (you know, just in case you weren't sure). I've started to generalize my topics and I what I purport to offer.
Hold on to your butts, 'cause I'm not done. The new look and header are simply a holding place for when I move over to bigger and better digs: one home base where you can catch what I'm doing professionally (if that appeals to you), as well as read my "soul puke."
I'd like to still explore the dynamic of our relationships--how we date and love and break-up and hurt and bleed--but I'd also like to dig more deeply into how we can do these things better by being better, more informed human beings.
That might mean that one day I get all ranty about dudes who send dating messages that sound like an invitation to kidnapping and murder (for reals), and the next day talking about why it's important that we stop saying, "I'm sorry IF I hurt your feelings."
It'll be kind of the same...but different. But totally the same.
As I was discussing my transition from moniker to self with a dear friend, I worried that some might not take well to the change. Don't get me wrong, I ADORE my little TNR brand. I like seeing the looks on people's faces when I tell them about it: the movement from, "Oh my god, is she into p0rn?" to "Oh, I get it, that sounds fun...and just the tiniest bit naughty." It's memorable, and hey, who doesn't like a spunky redhead?
He had this to say (and he was right):
TNR is me, I am TNR, and at the end of the day, it just makes more sense for me to be one person/brand/persona all the time.
And I'd rather that person/brand/persona be able to dye her GODDAMN HAIR ANY COLOR SHE PLEASES, you know?
Whoah. Simmer down.
Anyway here I am, friends. My name is Sarah J. Storer. I write about things.
Thanks for reading. :)
Kitten on a keyboard found here.
Subtitled: Even the Poster Child for the Single Lifestyle Deserves a Little Romance
So yesterday in Part One, we talked about my first big life change, which was to transition to being my own boss.
Today, we'll talk about something a bit more sordid and tawdry, and why someone like me, who for the last year has been kind of railing against Love As We Know It, might find herself in a not-so-single-state any more.
We'll talk about why that's awesome.
(We'll also talk about why it's slightly terrifying...but all in due time.)
Anyway, I was pretty public about my recent venture back into online dating a few months ago. You can read all about that here. And a little bit here.
Oh, and then I talked about how great it is to be single.
[Side note: I still believe that being single can be an alternative lifestyle (it doesn't have to be a "holding pattern" for whenever you're "not single"). And I can honestly say I was happy and content being on my own. In fact, I really felt like the last part of this year has been one of my favorite times of my life...I've felt comfortable in my own skin and happy with the person I am. (Insert usual disclaimer about challenging oneself to continually learn and grow, blah, blah, blah.)]
And then, you know how life is funny sometimes? I got a message from a guy who had actually messaged me earlier in the year before I deactivated my OKCupid account, and I had ignored him. (Ha, yup.) His follow up email this time around was nice enough, but he ended up introducing himself twice...
...which, of course, I couldn't let go.
So I wrote back and teased him about it...
...to which he responded with one of the most hilariously self-deprecating emails I've ever received...
...and two weeks later, we were meeting in person for the first time, and I was NERVOUS. Like, stupidly nervous. Like the kind of nervous where I'd be in the middle of a sentence, and then begin narrating my own inner dialogue. Not joking.
It was ridiculous.
To make a long story short, the poster child for The Single Lifestyle is no longer single.
Sorry, folks...and stalkers.
But I've gotta say, I'm loving what's happening with this relationship. For starters, I'm not only at a point in my life where I know I'd be completely okay being single again if that's the way things go, but I also feel like I'm in a relationship with an equal...just in a completely different way than I thought "equal" might mean.
It's an interesting situation to be in a relationship where I feel like I haven't lost my wholeness, drive, or life's mission/purpose as an individual...
...but to still be with someone who is fully supportive of who I am and what I do, who also challenges me to be better, to do better, to tap into the best part of myself...
...and in return, to be with someone who has his own stuff, who is passionate about his work, who is surprising in all the best ways (did I mention he thinks HE'S the funny one in the relationship? Puh-LEEZE).
I am learning a lot about communication (namely, that I'm not that great at it). I'm learning about what it means to shed erroneous notions of emotional self-protection and to allow myself to be vulnerable and open with someone (as I've tried to be with myself).
I think what is most telling to me is the way people have said to me lately, "You seem different lately. More happy, relaxed." In fact, before I told my sister I was dating someone, she knew. She mentioned to my mom that I seemed more comfortable in my own skin and that maybe I was dating someone who was "really good" to me.
Yeah, yeah, insert getting laid jokes here. Go ahead I'll give you a minute.
Got that out of your system? Great. Onward.
Anyway this is all so disgustingly sappy, I can't stand it. I'm sure most of you are hugging a toilet bowl right now, too, so I'll stop. There's not too much worse than having to listen to what I just did there. GROSS.
(I'm sure I'll have more to say in future posts about my aversion to following a traditional path with relationships...but that's for another day, so stay tuned, k?)
So there you have it, that's part two. Tomorrow? Well, I'll talk a little more about how I see my future on the Web, and my future with you all here.
Don't worry, I'll still be around. :)
Couple in the Snow picture found here.