Dear Red: What Do I Do When I Feel Alone?

Dear Red,

Ok, I let go of the guy. I didn't settle. I am single, and yes i wanna have crazy amounts of sex... But lets get real. What do I do when I feel really really alone?

(PS--If you tell me its ok to be alone and lonely I will kick you in the balls or stab you in the face with a fork.)

Sincerely,

Feeling Lonely

Dear Feeling Lonely,

Someone put this quote up on their blog the other day (and sorry, I don't remember where):

"Loneliness does not come from being alone, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important."

Now look, I don't think this quote completely applies to your situation, but I do think it speaks to what we're all kind of looking for whether it's with a partner, our families or friends:

we all want connection.

(And sometimes we want connection with our lady parts, ifyouknowwhatimean, but that's a post for another day. That's also what vibrators are for.)

Here's the thing (and I'm wearing my face mask, so I feel less afraid saying this), it really is okay to be alone in the sense of not having a partner. If you're feeling lonely, however, well then here's where I cut the BS and "tell it like it is" [finger up, head bobbing, stank face ON].

Get out there and do something. Connect with people. Do something new. Maybe it's with strangers you've met off Twitter. Maybe it's with an old friend. You can initiate these connections. I remember when I figured out that I don't have to wait for people to contact me to get together. And wow, did it change things.

Listen, I'm not doing this to brag or to be like, "I'm amazing!" (though, if you draw that conclusion, I'm totally cool with that) but check out my Cbusr profile. Cbusr is a local networking site that forces people to make offline connections after meeting online. I would say that MOST of the people I've met on here and who have since left me compliments, I've initiated contact with first (and then I've done my best to compliment them first).

And, AND! All the activity you see there has happened since October, when I broke up with my boyfriend and was feeling super lonely.

Because here's the thing I learned during that shitty, shitty time (and it is shitty, and I'm sorry you're going through it): you gotta be your own cheerleader. You must be your own manager and agent. And when you're your own cheerleader, and you're making connections with people regardless of what you hope the outcome will be, you'll feel far less lonely, I assure you.

So please don't stab me in the face with a fork. It is okay to be alone...but feeling lonely is something you have the ability to correct. Get out there and connect. You'll feel better, I promise. Who knows who you'll meet...

Love,

Red

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