Judging from the title alone, I thought I was in for a ranty read about bra burning, stomping on men's faces (figuratively), and of course, how everyone else with a penis is Wrong, but the vagina toting author is Right.
(Don't mistunderstand me, I actually also love those types of feminist articles, but that's not what this was.)
Instead, I was pleasantly surprised to find myself reading what was one of the most thoughtful pro-women articles I've read in awhile. Incidentally, it was also a fantastic pro-men article.
In fact, let's just call it this: a Pro-Be-a-Fucking-Human-Being article. Boom.
Here's a short summary:
Her dating guide for feminists attempts to debunk myths peddled by the mainstream dating industry: that men are simple and women are complex; that women aren’t hardwired to have sex like men, and that women who make more money than their romantic prospects may be out of luck.
The author ultimately hazards that feminists are actually better primed for relationships than other women: They have better sex because they like their bodies; they know what they want, ask for it and walk away when their partners aren’t accountable; and they don’t define their self-worth through couplehood, which can make for softer breakups.
If that doesn't set your undies on fire, here's a little bit more about why I liked where this was headed...
This article helped me have a "lightbulb moment."
For a while now, I've been talking to friends about "playing the game without playing games." In other words, I was approaching dating as an inevitable hunter/prey situation. If I were to be a real lady that men liked, and if I wanted to make sure to set the "tone" correctly for a relationship, I'd have to wait for him to "hunt" me while I made sure to not be too aggressive, and wait by the phone for whatever his "rule" was for calling back.
(PS--The movie Swingers, incidentally, is not about Vince Vaughn's character and his rules...though most guys I know who have seen it seem to miss that.)
And I HATED it. I hated operating within a system that potentially forced both parties to be something they are not. I especially hated hiding bits and pieces of myself that might "scare" off a guy who might be interested in dating me.
Just as I was thinking that, one o' you smart people posted this on my Facebook Wall:
I realized Mike was right. I could hide parts of myself so as not to intimidate someone, or I could embrace that more "aggressive" in-your-face side, own it, and hope that the right kind of person thinks that's cool.
(See? I have to learn along with you all. I'm always spouting off about "being the right kind of person to get the right kind of person," and I wasn't necessarily doing it myself.)
So I vowed that day that I wasn't going to be that way anymore.
And as an experiment, I went back on OKCupid.
I realized as I looked over my profile that I had resorted to jokes to soften the parts of me that Dating Self Help books would say were "too much."
I began to edit. I purposely made one section sound, yes, a little intimidating, and I put some thoughts in about what I believe about gender roles and stereotypes.
Wouldn't you know it? In just a few days, I not only got quality responses, but quality responses from smart guys who actually really liked what I had to say about my work and beliefs.
Funny how that works. :)
To be continued...
If you have a few minutes, go read the article. I'm hoping to pick up the book soon and get my read on.
Stay tuned for more details on my new dating philosophy tomorrow! It's a doozy, and led to friends staking out a bar for me. Good times.