Why Feminists Have Better Sex, Part Le B

As a summary of yesterday’s post...

I’ve moved from dating like a girl into dating like a human being.

That is, I am doing my best to not play by outdated rules based on outdated stereotypes.

So far, it seems to be going well. Quality guys, quality messages...with nary a “u r having beautiful eyes” in sight.

Most of them are educated, professional, well-spoken, and funny. This is significant, because if you’ll remember, I was on OKCupid earlier this year, and while I met some nice people, I still felt like I was doing more ignoring than responding.

Want to know the craziest thing?

And this, folks, is crazy.

As a rule, this batch of boys is TALL.

The first one or two messages that came through were from guys who were at least 6’0”...always a pleasant surprise for me, since I’m not super tall myself. (One reader whom I finally met offline said to me, “To be honest, I thought you’d be taller.” Nope!)

But then, consistently, the messages coming through were from guys who were taller than that, and hardly any messages from guys less than 5’11”.

I wasn’t buying that this was merely coincidence, since the last time I was on, most of them were shorter. Not joking. (Told you this was weird!)

So I happened to mention it to a friend and he said, “They say taller people are more likely to be successful, they're looked at as alpha males growing up.”

I asked him to prove it. At which point, he got all sarcastic and sent me a link to “Let me Google that for you,” and I was all like, “Whatever.”

Anyway, I found this article, and this one, and this one. And sure enough, there are some actual findings out there about tall dudes and success.

Which begs the question (or does it? I never get these kinds of phrases right), what was I saying before that didn’t appeal to these kinds of guys who I was just HOPING would contact me (and never did?).

I actually think it was less what I WAS saying and more what I WASN’T.

Like many women, I wasn’t really talking about the parts of my life I was most proud of. I was being myself, sure, and pretty darn hilarious about it (if I do say so myself), but I also was making myself “prey” instead of just being...you got it, a fucking human being.

So my new philosophy involves a few things:

Be Myself...

... without editing to conform to outdated rules based on outdated stereotypes.

Be Open...

...and proud about this crazy (and about to get crazier) life I lead, and how I think that ties in with the idea of work, success, career, gender roles etc.

Be Aggressive...

...work to take online offline as soon as possible. That means I might do the “asking out.” I’m okay with this.* (Especially as a person who is typically more of a "go-getter" in every other area of my life. Why stop here?) No need to waste anyone’s time on writing life history over email, when we can figure out right away if there’s chemistry or not over coffee. (The cool thing about hearing from these guys, though, is that 90% of the time, they cut to the chase before I do. Either way, I love it. And hey, if they think it’s too forward, well, thanks, good sir. You just saved us both a lot of time.)

Anyway, that is my new philosophy. It sits really well, and it’s actually put the fun back into online dating. I’m excited to see what happens next.

*I am also okay with doing this while out and about. Making eyes with that cute guy at a bar? I'll buy him a drink. Honey badger don't care. This is why my friends were staking out a bar for me, just to see if I'd do it. Ha. Awesome.